today.....paused

hmmmm..just passed another 1 day without any better feeling.what's wrong?I cannot tell.I'm lonely.I feel scared to be alone like this.I have no spirit to be myself-my original self-again.I don't even know myself,,who am I?where am I?I don't wanna lose what I've already got now.it wasn't easy for me,to build it up until now.but anyway,I cannot live by using this pattern.I've gotta be me again.have to push "play" button again,so that the 'paused-me' will start to rise again.